weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
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I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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