are you still at the devil's house?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Randomize
