found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
