do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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