were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
