Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
my poor anus
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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