Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
