i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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