Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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