It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
