We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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