I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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