THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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