And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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