his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My vagina just recognized that song.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
