You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
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I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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