I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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