Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
