well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
