Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
