So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
