Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
