I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
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Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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