She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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