I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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