i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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