I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
