Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so explain again why im purple
no
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
