After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
