Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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