You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
