what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
