do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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