bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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