Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
