What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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