i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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