My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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