Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
