I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
