Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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