Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
