Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
