yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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