I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
