BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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