Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
