hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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