Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
