Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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