hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
