His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
