My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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