it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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