brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
