Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
