Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
