I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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