I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
