Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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