Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
