He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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