He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
