Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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