Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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