I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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