I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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